I was adjusting the televisions, putting on football when he came up to me. "Hey, how's it going?" he was enthusiastic, too enthusiastic...he was new. "So how's business around here on a Sunday?" "Non-existent," I said. He was kicking a stool around, it made some noise, I smelled something, I looked down and saw his foot. "It looks like you've got some shit on your shoe," I said. He looked at his shoe, a new shoe, the sole covered in some brown...crap." "Probably peanut butter or something." he said and then walked away. "Peanut butter," I thought, who the fuck just steps in peanut butter? People randomly step in dog shit, not peanut butter.
An hour later the lobby attendant walks up to me and says "did you see that guy that shit all over the floor?"
"Uh, no," I say, "what happened?"
She puts her mop down and addresses me like it's some secret information. "This guy basically is running around looking for the bathroom, he shits all over the floor by the office and then shits all over the floor in the bathroom. I'm going to clean that up after my break."
"Crazy shit," I say.
"Yeah, and someone stepped in it," she goes on, "because there's a footprint in it by the office."
"Huh, great."
The boss came back around a few hours later checking up on me.
"So what's going on around here?" he asked.
There was nothing. I looked at his shoe.
"You stepped in human shit," I got right to the point.
"Huh?"
"Some guy shit in the hall, that's what you stepped in, it wasn't peanut butter," I said.
"Damn," he said, "I just got these shoes. It was easier thinking it was peanut butter, not human shit."
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