Doom In The Elevator

Closing in on 39, walking into a box that will take me to the 6th floor, apartment 604, I have a vision of absolute death. I was jolted. It was some reminder that there is no forever. Which is fucking fine. I felt that for a moment I had a choice and could live forever, but then I remembered that no matter what, the earth would die. So, eventually I would face death. I remember one afternoon when I was 13 and mowing the lawn. I was afraid of going to high school. It was May and school would begin in September. "Time moves so slowly that that day will never come," I thought as I mowed. That was 26 years ago. I have since attended and graduated. Lived and fucked and passed out in peculiar places. And it's getting close to the tipping point, where life will be sliding toward death instead of accelerating upward to something other than anything I'm ever doing, I'm putting the breaks on to put off death. I got off the elevator and drank 10 beers and hoped it was my day off from work. I thought about going to the Men's Warehouse and jacking off in the dressing room on a suit or something but instead I just drank and watched the fucking train roll in and out of the Roosevelt stop. Fucking death.