Birthday

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for all the birthday wishes. It was a great night at work; No old women showed me their tube-sock tits. No drunken Cubs fans showed up and farted until they shit their pants. No drunk criers, no hookers, no vomit...no one was jerking off in the lobby (while I was there), no trannies trying to rob drunken horny men that need a hole so bad they can look past a cock. Nobody shoved a razor blade up their vagina in the bathroom while singing Prince songs. The white trash stayed away. The self-righteous, the coke heads, the guy that really seems like a rapist, the guy that carries "Swan's Way" to the bar and licks his lips too much, the guy that asks me once a week "what time do you close tonight" but never orders a drink, didn't show up. The asshole that says "feel free to make that a stiff drink" never arrived. The guy that knows I'm not going to serve him because he's completely fucked didn't walk in. No one asked "what do you like to make" or "what's good?" No one asked for directions. No one asked me what there was to do in Chicago. No one asked me where to get drugs or for directions to the massage parlor that "you know, goes somewhere." In other words, the bar was pretty empty but for a few friends and I appreciated their company, pretty vanilla night. But in some weird way, I was a hoping for a random floor-shitter, or tranny-hooker fight or at least witness a blow-job for crack exchange in the alley. Oh well, I guess everyone involved in the background called in sick at the same time.